Dear Completely Ungirly Journal
by stupidlamb3931
Summary: Emmett can't keep his big mouth shut. Companion piece to Dear Diary. Oneshot.


**Strep throat sucks! But it however gives me enough time to jot down this little companion piece to my oneshot Dear Diary. This basically fills in the time where Emmett tells Renesme about her mom and Jacob's previous "relationship" then extends a little further after Jacob showing up to most likely include the rest of the Cullens, or at least Bella and Edward! Once again this is just a oneshot so it will go unbetaed and I will do my best to self-edit. My lovely beta is working on her own story and I would rather not bother her for this.**

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer is a writing goddess, not me.**

**Breaking Dawn spoilers!**

**Dear Completely Ungirly Journal**

"Um Uncle Emmett, how close were my mom and Jacob when mom was still human?" Emmett looked up from the T.V to see Renesme standing over him looking confused with a picture in her hand.

"Well, this happens to be a very long story, but, being the amazing uncle I am, I will tell you." Emmett patted the seat next to him on the couch and Renesme plopped into the spot, her attention completely focused on Emmett.

"You see Renesme, back when your mom was still human your stupid father decided she would be safer without him around and left her, dragging us along with him."

"Why?!"

"Because your dad is a stupid, masochist who listens to depressing music. Although an incident involving a papercut and Jasper trying to eat your mom very possibly was also a part of the reasoning behind the departure of the family from Forks." Renesme was shocked. She'd never really heard stories of her parents when her mom was still human and dating her dad. Of course she heard about how they were deeply in love and how Jacob was Bella's best friend but no one had ever gone into specifics about their lives back then. It wasa also virtually impossible to hear anything about when her mom was pregnant with her.

"You sure you can handle this kid?" Uncle Emmett asked. Renesme frantically nodded her head, this was the most interesting story she'd ever been told.

"Good, because I wasn't going to stop. So we left, your mom fell into this huge depression and Jacob came around to pick up the pieces, which is really where this story begins."

"Your mom figured that Edward broke his promise to stay with her always so she decided to break her promise to keep safe. This is how she came to be a total badass and pick up two motorcycles. Of course Bella couldn't fix up two motorcycles herself so she went to her favorite mechanic, Jacob."

"So they fixed up motorcycles, learned to ride them, became best friends, blah, blah, blah."

"During this time Jacob became the big bad werewolf we all know and tolerate today, but that definitely wasn't the only thing changing in those lazy days of blissful friendship. You see, Jacob had somewhat of a crush on your mom." Emmett smirked, this was the part of the story he had been dying to tell. Looking at Renesme he could already tell the upcoming info was going to cause some definite tension and frankly Emmett needed it, the Chain Reaction marathon had just ended.

"And unbeknownst to your mother, she was also falling for our resident werewolf." Renesme's jaw hit the floor and Emmett started bouncing on the couch in anticipation, the best hadn't even been told yet!

"Then there was misunderstanding involving Alice having of vision of your mom jumping off a cliff and Edward thinking she committed suicide and deciding to join her in 'death'."

"Anyway, your mom saved your dad from a would be fatal run-in with the Volturi and the fam all relocated back to rainy Forks. But you see, Jacob was a little peeved that his chances with your mom were being taken away by a bloodsucker. Basically it was an all out war for you rmom's affection."

"This war was definitely played dirty. Jacob made out with your mom, she of course punched him and ended up with a broken hand. I was imensely proud of her." This was working perfectly. Renesme was definitely shocked and, Emmet was silently cackling with glee, Jacob was going to be showing up at the house any minute.

"Edward of course refused to pressure Bella but he did propose at least three times I'm pretty sure. Then the whole newborn battle came and Bella made out with Jacob on her own to try to make him stay out of the battle. She realized she loved them both, but in the end of course chose Edward." Hearing the engine Emmett started speed talking so he could have it all out when Jacob finally got in the house.

"They had the wedding, Jacob crashed the reception, found out your mom was planning on sleeping with your dad while still human. Jacob went ape shit, left. Parents went on honeymoon, mom gets knocked up. Edward and all of us actually try to get Bella to abort you."

"WHAT?!" Renesme's shriek rattled the windows but Emmett plowed on, the motorcycle was getting closer.

"Sorry, Rosalie protected you and your mom from us, Edwad was pretty much in agony watching you destroy Bella from the inside out. Jacob came over and Edward offered up Jacob as a kind of stud service. Bella gets rid of the killer half vamp baby in exchange for Jacob knocking her up with a normal baby. She refuses, you break her spine and Jacob tries to kill you but imprints instead! And that is the Love Story of Bella and Jacob." Emmett's grin is face splitting as Renesme sits in absolute shock, reeling from the unexpected overload of information about her mom and 'boyfriend's' past entanglement. Emmett's bouncing gets a bit more pronounced as he listens to Jacob shutting of the bike and walking up the front steps. He finally walks through the door and is obviously more than a little confused when Renesme doesn't leap into his arms as per usual when he comes over.

Emmett turns his body completely away from the T.V now and eagerly waits for the impending explosion that will be Renesme's temper. Practically salviating for the fight when Renesme finally stands up he gets more than he ever anticipated when she finally blows.

"YOU TRIED TO BREAK UP MY PARENTS BECAUSE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH MY MOM?!" Jacob visibly winces at the more than accurate accusation and throws a glare Emmett's way.

"Renesme, let me explain."

"Let you explain?! You have made out with my mom, TWICE! I hope you realize how traumitizing this is for me, I have kissed a guy who has made out with my mom before on more than one occasion!" Renesme's voice has once again reached shrieking level and the windows are rattling in their frames. As Jacob struggles to think of a way to explain himself without setting Renesme off further the situation gets even better, if your Emmett anyway, when in walk Bella and Edward themselves. Emmett really is cackling with glee now as the two of them take in the obviously hostile situation.

Edward, reading Jacob's mind, tries and fails to hide his amusement at the situation Jacob has gotten himself in. Bella, still confused, asks,

"Renesme, Jacob, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! You made out with my boyfriend, that's what!" Bella's eyes are wide as she finally lands her gaze on Emmett, at which point they narrow dangerously.

"It was years ago!" Bella defends heatedly. "We were young and Jacob was demented!"

"What?" Jacob turns to Bella, obviously offended by the demented comment.

"You really can't be mad at us honey. This was before you came along." Bella's reasoning is lost in the sound of Edward's snort.

"Renesme, you have every right to be mad, and I will completely support your decision to never talk to Jacob again." Obviously this was the wrong thing to say as Renesme turns on her dad.

"What are you talking about? You tried to get rid of me in the womb by offering up Jacob's 'normal' sperm as some sort of consolation prize!"

_Dear Completely Ungirly Journal,_

_Today I found out that my boyfriend used to be in love with my mom, my dad tried to get rid of me in the womb by offering up my aforementioned boyfriend's sperm to my mom, and Uncle Emmett can't keep his mouth shut._

_Good day._

_Renesme_

**Just a small little companion piece to Dear Diary, would probably be understood better if read after Dear Diary but can stand alone. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and like I said above this is self-edited, my beta is busy with her own story-check it out! twilight-obsessed-freak-and I didn't have the heart to bother her. I did my best. Reviews are of course always welcome along with **_**constructive **_**critiscm.**

**Peace and Pickles,**

**Stupidlamb3931**


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